can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
