I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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