I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
