??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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