he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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