this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
