Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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