Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude. I can hear the air.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
