what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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