shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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