im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
