dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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