I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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