Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
