He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
