ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
