Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
