oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
