atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
