PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
