it was like his penis was on wheels.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
