Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
