he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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