life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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