Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
