yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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