I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
