Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
