I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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