forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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