there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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