Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
