WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
