i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
