I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
