so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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