D3 body, D1 cock
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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