You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
