no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
