but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize