but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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