I heard we made out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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