I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
