i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
