I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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