do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
