I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
