i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
