i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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