I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
