remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
