I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
