Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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