Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
