she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
