i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
