I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
