While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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