the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's the barista slut.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
