i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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