i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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