Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
