I think im going to throw up on grandma
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
