me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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