I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
