I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
