You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
