i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
