I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my liver is dry heaving
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
