The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
