I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
