So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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