Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
