it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
