some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize