Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
