: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
