He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
