So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
