Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
