the condom got lost in my hair
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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