How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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