You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
