I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
