IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
