someone get that fucking seahorse.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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