you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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