she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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