i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
