How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
