i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
