Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
