your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
