we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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