Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
