i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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