Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
