so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
